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The Politicians Race
By Ben B.
age: 15

“Welcome back to the Thirty-First Annual Politician Team Toboggan Race. Our Contestants: President George W. Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger on team 1, Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney on Team 2, and Bill Clinton and George Bush, Sr. on Team 3. Let’s get to them now.”

“Thanks, Fred. I’m up here at the starting point of the race. We’re trying to listen in on the argument President Bush is having with Bill Clinton. Let’s listen in on them.”

“I’m telling you, Bill. Global warming isn’t happening. It’s just a fad and people will get over it. I’m sure that in a couple of years, we can get over it and move on to more pressing matters.

“You’re crazy, Bush. Global warming’s real. Look around you. Lots of the snow has already melted, and there will be more to come. Also, your ears look like monkeys’.''

“I know. It’s my secret shame. My great-great grandfather was a, sniff, a monkey.”

“That’s just creepy.”

“We’re back at the starting point after that, um, interesting conversation between those two politicians. Oh, the race is about to start. Get ready everybody, for the Thirty-First Annual Politician Team Toboggan Race.”

“And they’re off, Team 2 taking an immense lead. Team 3 is off to a slow start, but they are steadily picking up speed. Team 1 is still at the launching spot, the President is trying to figure out how the toboggan works. Schwarzenegger gives it an experimental push, and away they go.”

“Looks like there is a small mishap on the track. It seems as if Team 2 has hit a bump and crashed, with Team 3 zooming past them. Team 1 is now picking up speed and is trying to pull it together, while Team 3 has taken a tremendous lead. Team 2 is still stuck in the snow and Dick Cheney has his head stuck in the snow! This has to be the most interesting Presidential race that I have ever seen!”

“Right you are there, although the one in nineteen-seventy nine was fun. A fist fight erupted after a bad crash and, well, let’s just says it wasn’t pretty.”

“Here they go, Team 1 zooming past the five-mile marker, just behind Team 3. Team 2 has finally managed to get out of their rut and are taking a slow start. They have a lot of ground to cover if they’re going to catch up to the competition.”

“Team one has caught up to the competitors and is ready to roll. They pass Team 3 and head off towards the finish round. Team 2 is still way behind and Dick looks mad. I bet he is going to sue this organization for the humiliation he is about to suffer.”

“Here comes the home stretch, the most dangerous part of this race. A twenty foot drop to a forest full of boulders, logs and other obstacles. If you crash here, you’re sunk.”

“Here they go, into the beast’s mouth. The snow conditions today are pretty icy, so it might cause problems for our racers.”

“Team 2 has taken off through the forest, with no apparent regard for their safety. Team 1 is close behind, but they look unsteady as they speed off through this frosty wonderland.”

“They have to be pretty quick to get through this deathtrap. Oh, that was too close! Team 3 has just gone off a lump and they almost hit a tree. That was probably very scary and I don’t think that they want to be trying that again.”

“Just a reminder folks, this event sponsored by Subway, Eat Fresh.”

“And we're back, as Team 1 seems to have crashed in the forest section of this two-mile stretch. The funny thing is that no one can seem to find them. They seemed to have disappeared in this treacherous landscape.”

“If they’re not found soon, this race will be canceled. Up, here we go. They seemed to have been buried in the snow after that brutal crash.”

“Here the other two teams go, down into the boulder section of the race. Bill Clinton seems to be making a rather rude hand gesture at Dick Cheney, who responds by sticking out his tongue.”

“These boulders are pretty big. It will be hard for the remaining two teams to get through. Team 3 seems to be doing well, but it looks like Team 2 is arguing about something, and they look like they are having a hard time getting around.”

“Team 2 is closing in on the finish line, with Team 3 right behind them. It looks like this is going to be a battle to the finish.”

“Oh, and what’s this? It seems that Team 1 has come out from certain loss and is speeding out of the forest. They’re catching up, and…oh, they’ve passed the two other teams, they go to the finish and, whoo, they win!”

“Wow, ladies and gentlemen, it’s a miracle. Before all odds, Team 1 comes and wins! This is truly amazing!”

“This has never happened in the history of politician racing! This is truly an epic moment!”

“Now, we take you to the fascinating world of V.I.P. Cross Country Skiing…”

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