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Larry and Cherry

By: Vance A.
California, Age 13

Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived a cranky, grumpy eagle. His name was Larry. This was not your ordinary eagle; this was a very unique one to say the least. Larry looked extremely different than the rest of the eagles around him. He was continuously teased by his family, friends, and fellow eagles. Why? He had the worst looking hair imaginable. His hair was long, ugly, and had an abominable, repulsive, putrid smell. He flew around the sky on a daily bases, just to get away from the rest of the eagles. Nobody liked him at all.
One day when he was flying in the sky, he met an eagle named Cherry. She was flying around the sky for the same reason Larry was. For she too had the same hair as Larry! They talked for weeks and weeks, meeting each other in the same place everyday. There was no doubt about that they had fallen in love.
Larry and Cherry had high admirations and decided to leave their family and friends and go into town where all the people lived. They had the smartest plan, or so they thought. Their plan was to go into town and get a haircut.
As they flew past LarryĂs family and friends, they yelled out, ˘Harry Larry! Where you going? WhoĂs your new friend? Why are you going that way Harry Larry?÷
Larry and Cherry both yelled out together, ˘We are going into town to get a haircut!÷
˘Okay you ugly eagles, see ya later!÷
Larry and Cherry both looked at each other and chuckled. They turned to them and said, ˘Not if were lucky!÷
They continued to travel on their trip. Soon they came across to where Cherry lived. CherryĂs family and friends yelled out, ˘Harry Cherry! Where you going? WhoĂs your new friend? Why are you going that way Harry Cherry?÷
Larry and Cherry both yelled out together, ˘We are going into town to get a haircut!÷
˘Okay you ugly eagles, see ya later!÷
Larry and Cherry both looked at each other and chuckled. They turned to them and said, ˘Not if were lucky!÷
They traveled and traveled and traveled. Hours turned to days; days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. After one and a half months of travel, they finally reached the city. Larry and Cherry kept their eyes open for a barbershop. They spotted a grocery store, a clothes store, and some restaurants; pretty much everything but a barbershop. They looked and looked and looked. Finally, after all the time they looked, they came across a barbershop. It was at the end of town.
Larry and Cherry went in and approached the barber. Both of were rookies to a barbershop. They had no idea what to say or do. Harry said, ˘Just give me what you think will look good.÷ Cherry said the same.
When both haircuts were finished, they gazed at the mirror. Both of them were in shock. They were bald.

Harry and Larry gave birth to many new eagles. After they gave birth they took their family and flew far, far away. They hoped nobody would ever see them again.
This story is how they got their name. Bald Eagles. Many say that Bald Eagles are endangered species on earth, but we all know that is not true. There are many of them out there, but they are just hiding in the sky with Larry and Cherry just hoping not to be seen ever again.

 

Author's comments

An interesting ''take'' on the folktale idea of orgins and how things came to be. Also an interesting ''take'' on bald egales which are in many ways astonishingly beautiful birds -- and our national emblem.

But it's all in good fun and you make it work.

A few details. Eagles, of course have feathers not hair. Do these eagles just have hair on their heads or all over? Is Larry grumpy by nature or because he is diiferent or made to feel different? Is it important that he has a ''putrid'' odor? Is that a bit too much? Does it add or detract or deflect too much from the main images of your story? Then again, you're the author. You decide what you want and how you want you readers to feel about your characters.

Do you really mean they had high ''admirations'' or something else? I think you may need to reexamine your word choice here and choose another that is closer to what you actually are trying to tell us about your two lead eagles.

Is your spelling correct? The type face is pretty small on the entry but it looked to me like ''Harry Larry'' and ''Harry Cherry.'' Is this what you wanted to be saying? Or does the mispelling change your meaning? Or did I just read the small type-face wrong? These are the important little things to look at in you rewrite--detials that every author must examine to make sure the story is being read they way you meant it to be!

This is a nice folktale with clever details of the town and shops at the end and a good deal of humorous charm of its own. I like that they were barbershop ''rookies''!

Nice job!

Keep reading and writing. The more you read the more your own imagining an writing will ''take off! and soar with your bald eagles.

(Hey! Maybe they can wear hats sometime and come back down for a visit?)


P.S. One more natural history detail. [All authors do research, you know). Eagles do not ''give birth.'' They build nests and lay eggs. Even in a folktale you need to make use of realistic details to make sure your readers will accept your tale and its ''truth.''

Best wishes from fellow author, Rafe Martin