Jacques and the Universe
By: Nick D.
North Carolina, Age 13
There was a time when all of the gnomes lived together in a peaceful state of nonexistence. Then one gnome, named Jacques, who thought it would be totally awesome if the happy little gnomes could exist. Jacques set off to crate a world where he and all of his brothers would be real. Thus began the creation of the universe.
Jacquesfs mission sent him near and far across an infinite void of blackness. As he awoke on what would have been the seven hundred and sixty-fourth day of his journey (there was no definite time in the plane of nonexistence), he spotted a small piece of matter spiraling around in the void. He caught it in a state of relative motionlessness, and consulted his almighty god, Nikissandro, on what he should do with it. gGo,h said Nikissandro, gBring this object to me, and I will give you your quest.h
Jacques proceeded to board Theoretical Anti-Material Hypothetically Impossible Bus route 367<89^|−67| to Nikissandrofs nonexistent palace. After what would have been seventy-eight hours of a theoretical interruption inn the space-time continuum, Jacques would have stood at the doors to Nikissandrofs palace, which, because of their impossibility, did not exist. Nikissandrofs voice echoed through the void. gWelcome, small one. It is a pleasure to believe that you would be at my palace, if it existed.h gOh, no benevolent Nikissandro. It is my pleasure to think that I would be standing so close to you if it were not for the nonexistence of this place.h gOkay, then. Down to business. Where is this so-called matter you have found?h gHere,h said Jacques. gAh, yes. I speculate I would be able to see it, if my eyes were not so nonexistent.h
So Nikissandro imagined himself taking the matter from Jacques and placing it in his Nonexistent Theoretical Matter Magnifier and magnifying the matter. It became so huge the universe was born. As Nikissandro opened his brand new eyes, which had recently come into existence, he saw that the valiant Jacques, was never meant to exist an in his place, where Nikissandro had imagined he would be, was nothing but a pile of rotten venison.